YouNiversity Critiques Entry 1: Emma Mayhood’s New Poetry

by newerawriters

For the month of February, our YouNiversity students will be contributing new works to be critiqued. After receiving their critiques from our readers and the mentors, the students will re-post their newly edited works. We ask that your critiques be helpful and honest. Abusive critiques will be deleted.

Screen

Peering through the window focus trees

focus screen like memory in and out

approach and see one scene, another but

never together residue of the leaves on the

geometric black light squinting through the

squares frame comes into focus on the tree a

painting rustling in the breeze through your

hair though the window and your eyes are

closed and you are in a room without a

window without a view but within your

mind your memories create your

imagination create your memories inside

this box of sleep of dreams of daydreams of

what we remember.

On

Rotating

he was reminded

of the again

and again

he watched and

waited

wondering if

when

how

and the infinitesimal

why.

Repetition

he thought

was the answer to re

living

to fixing and re

doing

but he wasn’t

doing living fixing

any

one or thing

he was repeating himself

while others

move.

 

 

 

 

2

Those that present define one another

Ration an aspect as distinct, eternity

Ration as distinct eternity: a system

Measuring passage

I’m interval between two: youth

Est. life

In contemporaneous not prehistoric

The sign: experience of, an, the, it

Formal

Force son spare hope, take “I’m”

Define it?

Etc.: proper, ever indefinite

Into occasion vent fact, it’s poetic

Me, relative

Me, rhythm

Me, duration

Characteristic of

(of: an explosive device)

Lock moment: speed to fix 15 minutes

To fix (actions, events, etc.)

Minute

Late

Choose for: attack perfectly

Son, an effort limited before once

Simultaneously he’s young, he’s old

For being temporarily present gain delay.

Good at advance punctuality

Not me, I’m in for eventually

Understand one travels quickly with progress, move with hurry

Again and again, age at life.

 

 

 

 

 

3

The: of event as to (any) future continuous events succeed one another as a distinct eternity to come from measuring or limited between two particulars now end of a prescribed particular good (formal term) imprisonment take a definite point break extend rapidity of duration

rest

arching passage (dice) donate pertaining speed stoke late attack unison limit early never yet quit achieve good understand correct observe quick quickly alternate one’s own designate one’s experience (me) (one)

rest.